An Unexpected Gift
by bugsandroses
Summary: Grissom did not leave with Sara. This is my take on what made him decide to retire and go to her


Greg Sanders stood outside of Gil Grissom's office. He looked in and was shocked to see the boss with his eyes closed, lying on the couch in the back corner of the office. That was not a good sign. He was either asleep or had a migraine but Greg needed help now! Since Warrick was killed, everyone was always tired. Both teams had been pulling double shifts almost everyday…..but it seemed like Grissom had lost his spark, the desire to not only do the job but to help others learn how to do it well. Greg and everyone else knew that Rick had been the boss's favorite, his hand picked choice to lead the team when he retired or moved on. Sara's departure from Vegas and then Warrick's murder made the reticent man even more distant and closed off as each day passed. Ecklie hired Riley Adams to replace Sara but the Sheriff's office did not seem to be in a hurry to find a replacement for Warrick.

Not that just anyone could replace him.…Greg was still hurting over the loss of his mentor. Rick had been one of the first people to encourage him to leave the lab and become a CSI. Warrick, Nick and Sara had not made it easy on him. They had been trained by Grissom and he was the very best. Rick was a very fast learner and hated to repeat things but he had been a good teacher and later was a great partner and friend. He would be missed!

"What is it Greg?'

Grissom's voice startled Greg from his thoughts and made him wonder how he did that! His boss's eyes were still closed, yet he knew that not only someone was standing at the door to his office but he also knew which someone it was. Greg refused to admit it to anyone else but Grissom scared him at times and still made him nervous.

"Sorry to wake you, boss! I just got a call from dispatch. There was a raid on a drug manufacturing warehouse in North Vegas. Somebody must have screwed up the recipe or the workers swiped way too many free samples because they found several very dead people during that raid. The bodies had lots of bugs. They need us there ASAP!"

"OK…...and Greg I wasn't sleeping, just resting my eyes. I put in 12 hours on cases yesterday and then had to come back in and do several hours of paperwork today."

"Sucks to be you, boss man!"

"That it does, sometimes." Greg watched in concern at how very slowly Grissom sat up.

"Please say that coffee is for me?" Grissom pointed to the cup in his hand Greg had forgotten.

"Sure, I can get another cup…. it's black but with sugar."

"Thank you, I don't care as long as it's coffee and it's hot." After taking a deep swallow he asked, "So how many bodies are we talking about 3 or 4……10 or 20?"

"Somewhere in the middle, 7 or 8, at last count." Greg watched in surprise as Grissom quickly drained the entire cup of coffee.

"Then we'd better stock up on supplies and hit the road." He got up even more slowly. "I'll need another cup of coffee before we leave. Don't worry, Greg. They can't get any deader."

Brass was waiting when they arrived. Even he had a mask on for once but quickly removed it.

"Hey Greg! Hi Gil…..we found a lot more bodies. I put in a call for the big guns and also requested more help. It looks like the genius that was running this operation used addicts as workers. When their staff died from the fumes or from over indulging on the product, they just piled the bodies up in a cold storage unit and went out into the streets to recruit new help. Doc Robbins already processed most of the dead in the freezer unit, thirty so far. I need you two to scan the rest of the warehouse for anybody that didn't make it into cold storage." Grissom nodded in understanding. The senior coroner, Al Robbins, was a double amputee. He had lost both his legs in a car crash when he was much younger. With two artificial legs, the older man could not climb at all or walk well on uneven surfaces. Handing Greg a protective mask, Grissom picked up his kit and walked very slowly into the building. Pointing to locations on the floor plan map Brass had given them, Greg and Grissom split up. It was going to be another long and hard day.

As they began to walk away Jim Brass hollered out, "Be careful, it's dark in there!"

Even through the filter of his mask, the stench of chemicals and death made him wince. Barely twenty feet from the main door, Grissom nearly tripped over his first dead body. Pulling out his camera, he put down a tag that listed the case and body number. After taking both a locator and close up shot of the body, he also took a sample of the insects that covered the man. Grissom left the body marker and insect evidence with the body for pickup. When the body got to the morgue it would be cleaned up. If anyone came forward to claim him, then the pictures and evidence would be kept with the case file. If or when the dealer who caused his death was ever found, it would be used at the trial. Grissom continued to process even though he knew there was little or no chance that the dealer who caused the death would be caught or ever brought to trial. Shaking his head, he walked on to the next body. He did his job knowing it would be an exercise in futility.

The plan was that Grissom and Greg would scout the outer edge of the huge warehouse and then slowly work into the center of the building where the chemicals and finished products were stored. As the two CSI completed the search of the outer perimeter and met up, Brass called to let Grissom know that DEA agents had just arrived on the scene. Grissom had found three bodies, Greg only one but they both still had a lot of ground to cover. Grissom walked over and began to process the next body but apparently did not see movements from the corner of the building to his left.

"Grissom, over there! Someone or something just moved."

The senior criminalist quickly called for assistance. "Brass! We may have suspects on location, south west corner of the building. We need backup now!"

Grissom crouched low as he made himself a smaller target but he also tried to get a better look. "It's a young girl!" The teen was small, very thin and she could not have been more than 17 or 18. She was lying on her side, very pale and having great difficulty breathing.

"I have to get out, can't breathe. I need it to stop hurting!" She grabbed Greg's arms and then started to scream as she rolled on to her back. It was instantly obvious that she was very pregnant. Brass and the backup arrived with guns drawn.

"No! Don't shoot, she's not armed. We need paramedics now!"

"There aren't any here. Everyone we found was very dead, so they left. I can put out a call but it's going to take awhile for them to get here, this warehouse is in the middle of nowhere."

"We don't have that kind of time, Jim. This girl is in active labor." Lifting the edge of her dress he quickly confirmed that not only had her water broken but matters were about to go from bad to worse. "Oh Christ! She is bleeding and that's not good." The girl tried to crawl away as another contraction began. Screaming, she clawed at Greg.

"Hold her down, Greg!"

"Easier said than done, Grissom!"

"We have to get that baby out but this is no place to do a cesarean. Brass, call for Al, fast!"

The girl suddenly stopped screaming and began to shake, choke and spit out some blood. She slowly stopped moving and then stopped breathing. Greg felt for a pulse but shook his head. "She's gone, so is that one dead or two?" Greg was stunned to see the girl's stomach move.

"One, if we can get that baby out fast enough. Greg, in my case there is a dissection kit. Pass me the scalpel but be careful, it's extremely sharp." The young man passed him the instrument and used his flashlight to shine light on the dead girl's stomach. Grissom split the dress up to her waist and made a quick incision just below her navel. There was surprisingly little blood. With a second quick cut he reached in to free the baby. Grissom cut the cord and quickly tried to clear the airway but the baby made no sound. Greg let out the breath he had been holding. He had serious doubts that something so small and so blue could possibly survive. Grissom continued to breathe delicately into the baby's mouth until a weak cry was heard. He ripped open his jacket and shirt and placed the baby against his warm skin.

"She is breathing but needs body heat. Greg quickly, give me your jacket!"

"It's a girl? She's not going to make it, is she?"

"I don't know but I am not about to watch another person die in my arms and do nothing."

With his arms full, Grissom needed help to get up from very sore knees. He made his way out of the building as fast as his tired legs would go to Jim's waiting car. Nick and Riley arrived as Grissom reached the police car. "Hey, Griss! Heard you need some help?"

"Help Greg! I need to get our little surprise package here to the emergency room, fast."

Brass drove Grissom to Desert Palms with lights flashing and sirens blaring all the way.

"She has stopped breathing, call ahead so they will have a neo-natal doctor and an incubator ready when we get there." Grissom began CPR again as gently as he could. Brass did as he was told and stepped a little harder on the accelerator. "We are almost there, please little one hang on just a little longer. I have to believe something good can come from all that death."

Brass helped his friend get out when the car screeched to a stop at the emergency entrance. "LVPD! I called, we need help here now! We have an infant who's not breathing."

Grissom finally let his little bundle go as the doctor quickly inserted a tube to help her breathe. Several nurses worked quickly in a well rehearsed dance to attach monitors and start an IV.

"Her heart rate and pulse are too fast even for a preemie. Was her mother on drugs?"

At Grissom's tired nod the doctor began to spout new orders rapid fire. One nurse came over to push both men out of the room and out of the way as more people arrived to help. Grissom's legs finally gave out under him and Brass helped him to the chairs just outside.

"Gil, sit down before you really fall flat on your face. You delivered her and got her here alive. It's in God's hands now…….let me see if I can find you something clean to wear."

Grissom looked down at the bloody mess that covered him, his shirt and both jackets. "Think the county will spring for two new jackets? I really should get back to the scene, nothing more I can do here." His attempt to smile and get up from the chair both failed.

"You're not going anywhere, you're exhausted. Hell, you past exhausted several hours ago! I mean it, Gil. Stay put…...at least sit down here and rest while I try and find you something clean to put on. I'll also try to scout out something to drink and a maybe a sandwich."

"I can't eat like this." He splayed his bloody hands. "I have to find the men's room and try to clean up. See if you can steal a scrub top or a lab coat for me." Grissom returned several minutes later wrapped in a clean sheet. He had washed himself from the waist up and tried to remove most of the dirt and stains from his pant legs. His bloody shirt and both jackets were now resting in a paper bag. Brass arrived handing Grissom a lab coat and his dinner.

"I got us both a cup of the coffee but I wouldn't drink it. It's worse than the stuff at the lab."

"Thanks Jim. Any word yet on how the baby is?"

"People have been going in and out since you left, so she is still hanging on. You saved her!"

"Maybe! She is underweight and God only knows what chemicals she breathed into her lungs. On top of that her mother was an addict, so she will have to go through withdrawal." Grissom finished his sandwich but barely touched any of the coffee. He had been so thirsty earlier, he drank nearly a quart of water in the men's room. Both men sat back in the chairs to wait for any news on the baby. Brass looked over minutes later to see Grissom was sound asleep.

"Gil!" Two hours later, Brass shook him gently to wake him. "The doctor wants to see you."

Grissom woke to the muted sounds of an infant crying. Slowly both men got up and walked into the triage area. Grissom tried to close the lab coat tighter around him but it was too small.

"How is she doing, doctor?"

"Pretty damned amazing! She is breathing on her own now and has responded very well to the medication that's helping with the withdrawal symptoms. However, she is underweight and now she won't eat. We can't get her to stop crying. If she won't eat we will have to put in a naso-gastric tube. With her lung problems, that might do more harm than good."

"May I see her?" The doctor waved them into the room that held a gurney, an incubator, a rocking chair and one wailing infant. Grissom tried again to tug the lab coat closed as he stepped up to the infant crying in the incubator, her face no longer blue but very red.

"You saved her life. Who knows, maybe she will respond to you? Have a seat."

As he sat down, the button closing Grissom's lab coat shot across the room leaving him sitting with a bare chest. The doctor quickly transferred the screaming baby to the stunned man. Brass and the doctor smiled as the infant instantly stopped crying and tried to start nursing.

"Hey look at that! She thinks that you are mommy!"

"Well, I'll be damned! She has bonded with you Mr. Grissom. She does think you are her mother. Here, try this." Grissom took the small bottle of formula from him and watched fascinated as the contents slowly but steadily disappeared.

"What can I say, Gil……. motherhood becomes you."

"Knock it off, Jim."

"It is important that she eats as much as she can. The next 24 to 48 hours are critical to her survival. Thank you for your help, Mr. Grissom. I'll send in one of the nurses in a few minutes. Once she has eaten, she will hopefully sleep for awhile. She will need it."

The doctor left a very nervous criminalist and a chuckling police captain as they watched the tiny infant finish her first meal in silence.

"She's not eating anymore…..I think she fell asleep. What the hell do I do now?"

"Don't look at me. I haven't done diaper duty in over twenty years."

"Well I haven't touched a baby since Lindsey and that was almost 15 years ago."

The intense whispered argument came to a halt as a nurse arrived and took the bottle.

"Wow! She almost finished it, that's amazing. I hate to wake her but she needs to be burped and probably a clean diaper." The nurse reached down and expertly plucked the baby from Grissom. The instant the baby left his arms, the room was filled with ear piercing screams.

"What's wrong? What did I do?"

"Nothing, she is just definitely daddy's girl. OK little one, here's your daddy." The nurse smiled and returned the infant to Grissom. "Now just move her to your shoulder. Good, now rub and pat her back…..a little harder, she won't break and we have to get out any gas bubbles." After a few tense minutes a soft milky burp was heard. "Good job, see you're a natural. Let her sleep now and we'll change your daughter's diaper after her next bottle."

Brass was grinning from ear to ear as the nurse left. "Wow, from mommy to daddy in less than an hour, a miracle of modern science."

Grissom gave Brass a sour look. "I can't just sit here and…..baby sit for the day. I have to get back to the scene, Jim. I have a job, a responsibility to my team, to the lab, to the county and the Sheriff. You remember him don't you, big guy with a badge, your boss?"

"All the bodies have been tagged, collected and are being processed. The scene is all taped off and under guard for all the good it will do. The feds showed up an hour ago, so now the DEA and FBI are in a pissing contest to see who has jurisdiction. Besides, the media will be all over you. CSI SAVES INFANT, film at eleven! Come on Gil, spinning this is a PR man's wet dream and you can bet your ass Burdick will milk it for all it's worth. Stay right here and avoid all that crap. You can't really do anything at the lab for the dead just now and the bugs will keep…...but this little one needs you here. Hey, isn't there an old saying that if you save a life that you are responsible for it? With all the death you deal with day after day, it must feel pretty damned good that you saved a life today."

"Yes, it does!" Fine I'll stay, besides I'm too tired to argue with you. Think you can flash your badge and ask for a bigger lab coat and maybe a few pillows? My arms and shoulders are killing me. I don't want to take any chance of dropping her."

"I'll do better than that. I'll have them bring in a real bed so you both can get some sleep."

"Thanks Jim, can you let Catherine know I'll be here, in case they really do need my help."

Brass nodded but he waited to leave until both of them were settled and asleep in the bed he'd requested. Jim had absolutely no intention of telling anyone where Gil was. The man needed some down time now! He knew his friend was running on empty, hell they all were since the night Warrick died. Brass was not what you would call a religious man but even he had to wonder if someone upstairs had brought Gil and the baby together. With Sara out of his life, Grissom needed someone to look after and….well love. After somehow surviving the circumstances of her birth, that little girl needed all the love, help and support she could get. As he drove home, Jim made a mental note to check on the Nevada adoption laws when he got back to his office the next day. For now, all he wanted was a shower and some sleep.

Arriving at the stationhouse the next day, Jim was not surprised to find the DEA and the FBI still arguing over who was in charge of the scene. Since the DEA had already confiscated all the drugs and chemicals, he really didn't care who won. LVPD would only deal with finding the names of and family for all the dead bodies. He checked in with the watch commander and then went over to the crime lab. Catherine, Nick and her team had just arrived.

"Hey, Jim! I heard you and Gil changed jobs, decided to become paramedics. How's the baby?"

"I checked the hospital just now. She is still hanging in there."

"That's a miracle! I was in that warehouse and I saw her mother." Nick held up his big hand. "That baby wasn't much bigger than this. Greg told me that Griss just cut into the dead mom and scooped the baby out like it was nothing. Man, I don't know if I could have done that."

"That's one lucky kid. I don't think anyone but Doc that could have done it. Gil was once a coroner in LA. He knows how to use a scalpel. Did he go home to finally get some sleep?"

"No, he is still at the hospital….."

"Why? What's wrong with him? Was he hurt, breathe in something? I should have been told!"

"Relax, Catherine! He was just tired and it seems our little patient won't let anyone touch her, except Grissom."

That idea stuck Nick as very funny. "You have got to be kidding me! Grissom is not exactly the warm and fuzzy, come to daddy type. Poor kid, hope she likes bugs."

Catherine punched Nick's arm. "He is great with kids. When my daughter was a baby, he helped me with her all the time. I would trust Grissom with Lindsey any day."

"I am so glad you said that. I want to try to keep those two together." Catherine turned to Jim with a puzzled look. "I'll fill you in on the way, Catherine! Let's see where we stand on identifying all the bodies and then I'll drive you over to see Gil and his patient."

"Sounds like a plan, Jim. Nick, you'll be helping Doc and David ten print and photo ID our guests from the warehouse. So you two get both of the new cases."

Ronnie took the slips. "Oh boy! A smash and grab and a B & E, how exciting!"

"Well then, they both should get done quickly. Then I want you back here helping Nick. Out of 42 bodies, right now we have a positive ID on six. Nick, an identity on the baby's mom is top priority. Got it? OK Jim, now let's go see Gil and the baby."

On the drive to the hospital, Brass told Catherine what happened at the warehouse and to Grissom in greater detail, also what went on between him and the baby later at the hospital.

"It's not all that weird Jim, just basic biology. The baby imprinted on Gil at birth. When you deliver a child at the hospital, they give the baby to the new mom immediately. Babies can't see, so the smell and touch of that first person is the key to developing the mother/child bond. You told me that she was plastered against Gil's chest seconds after her birth and stayed there for the long ride to the hospital…..speaking of which, how is he reacting to all this?"

"To be honest, I'm not really sure. Gil was so tired, no make that exhausted that he barely put up a fight when I told him to stay at the hospital with the baby."

"Well, taking care of an infant is not the best way to get any rest. Jim, you know him, he could have already left the hospital and crawled back into his nice, safe and quiet townhouse. Before we start making any plans on a future for them both, we should see how the wind is blowing."

"Yeah OK, at least I remembered to bring Gil some clean clothes. I grabbed them from his locker. Go on in, Cath. See if you can find him. I doubt he'll still be in the emergency room where I left him last night. I'll park this thing and meet you." She entered the ER and nearly laughed out loud when she was directed to the family room on the maternity ward.

Catherine quickly located the room but stood in the doorway mesmerized by the site of Gil Grissom in scrubs, sitting in a rocking chair feeding an incredibly tiny infant. He put down the bottle of formula and with surprising ease brought a very small bundle to his shoulder. He patted and rubbed the baby's back until a fairly loud burp broke the quiet.

"That's my good girl! OK little one, it's time to sleep now." The baby nestled against his chest as he gently rocked back and forth in the chair. "It's been a long time since I felt like this Emma. I know in my mind that it's just your inborn survival instinct. To you, I am just a warm body and food. You need me to survive but it feels good that you want only me to care for you…..but I can't get too attached. When you are better, they will take you away from me. It's inevitable that I'll loose you too. Everyone I have ever loved dies or goes away from me: my dad, Aunt Carol, then my mom, Sara and Rick. I miss him so much, little one. Warrick never knew his dad and now his son will never know about his father. Rick was like the son I never had…..I met Sara too late in my life to think about a family."

Grissom stopped rocking and examined the face of the sleeping infant in his arms. "Still, I wonder what Sara would have thought about you, about us becoming a family. Time can be cruel, Emma. If you had come into my life last year at this time, maybe Sara would have quit the lab, stayed home to take care of you. Then she never would have been kidnapped. All the pain of her past would have stayed buried and we might have lived happily ever after."

Grissom gently kissed the baby's head, settled her against his chest again and rocked gently. Catherine wiped a tear from her cheek and plastered on a smile as she walked into the room.

"Hey Gil! I heard there is someone new in your life. Well, aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Catherine Willows meet Emma, Em this is Cath! Officially on the hospital records she is Jane Doe #324. I didn't want her to be just another number, so I borrowed the name from another Jane, Jane Austin." Grissom turned the baby in his arms so that she faced Catherine.

"Nick was right, she is so tiny!" She was shocked at all the tubes and wires on the infant.

"Not quite four pounds. Social workers stopped by earlier but CPS and the courts will have to wait for now. She can't be released to anyone until she is well enough and over five pounds."

Jim Brass walked in. "Hey Gil, she looks a lot better than the last time I saw her."

"Looks can be deceiving. She has a fever now! Her lungs are not fully developed and are very congested. She also has jaundice. They tried to put her in that special incubator. It has lights to help the jaundice and a nebulizer for her lungs. Emma starts to cry whenever I put her down." Catherine watched as the baby rubbed her face against the scrub shirt he was wearing. Emma moved, whimpered but when he began to rock back and forth again, she fell back into sleep.

"How long have you been wearing that top, Gil?"

"Since last night, they gave this to me when we moved here. Emma spit up all over the lab coat I was wearing. Sorry Catherine, I know I need a shower but I can't do that and hold her too."

Catherine watched them for a minute. "I have an idea! Take that top off and give it to me. Oh for God's sake, Gil! I promise I'll try not to faint at the sight of your naked chest."

Grissom was surprised and very embarrassed but did as he was told. Slipping the oversized top over his head, he handed it to Catherine and quickly grabbed a hospital gown as a cover.

"OK, now put her in." She had placed a small pillow under the shirt in the incubator.

The baby whimpered as she left his chest but snuggled into the shirt and went back to sleep.

"Hey, it worked!" Grissom was surprised but also relieved as he stretched his arms, neck and shoulders. "Good girl, Emma! Do you think they'd mind if I took a quick shower?"

"I wouldn't!" Brass stepped forward with a brown paper bag. "Oh here, I brought you some clean stuff from your locker. Well move it! We don't know how long before she figures out that stuffed shirt isn't you and starts screaming again."

He took the bag from Jim. "I'll be five minutes. If the doctor comes, just knock on the door."

"Emma?" Brass turned to Catherine after he left. "Where the hell did that name come from?"

"Jane Austen."

"Who?"

"Never mind!"

"Catherine, when Sara left him that second time, he's started to pull away from everyone again…….and then loosing Warrick. Most guys need sex or love but he needs to be needed."

"Jim, I'm not arguing with you but this whole thing could blow up in our faces. I saw him, his eyes when he was holding her just now. She might become his only reason to live."

"So, what's wrong with that?"

"What if she doesn't make it or he looses her to CPS? Gil is not exactly a spring chicken. They may think he is too old to care for her, raise her. I am concerned about him but also about that little girl. What happens to her if she looses him in five years or even ten years from now?"

"So you are against this?"

"No, I'm not! I just think he has to really want this, because he would probably have to quit the lab or at least cut way back on his hours. He may not be ready to do that right now."

"Do you think I should drop this or maybe try to get in touch with Sara?'

"No!" Catherine practically shouted.

"Whoa! You are still really pissed at her, aren't you? He made mistakes too and hurt her."

"I know but she hurt him more. Hell, she ripped his heart out and stomped on it…TWICE!"

Grissom emerged from the bathroom minutes later, just as the doctor arrived. His shirt was clinging to his body in several places and he had bare feet. He was using a very small hand towel in an attempt to dry his hair. "Doctor Westin, how are her latest test results?"

"About the same, Gil! Wait…..how in the world did you get her to stay in the incubator?"

"Thank Catherine, she figured it out." Grissom walked over to check on the baby.

"Mrs. Grissom? It's a pleasure to meet you. It's not many wives who would let there husband spend so much time with another woman and a much younger woman at that."

Catherine blushed and smiled as they shook hands. "Gil is married to his job and the lab but not to me. I'm Catherine Willows. I work with him at the Las Vegas Crime Lab."

"Oh, I'm sorry….I just assumed! Actually, that's why I came in here. There is a very disagreeable man from the Sheriff's office at the front desk demanding to see you, Gil."

Brass placed his arm around the young doctor's shoulders and walked him out of the room.

"Don't worry about the Sheriff, Gil. Brass can handle him. So, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine! I got some sleep and they put me in a tent with the baby for awhile to clear out any of the chemical fumes from our lungs. I wasn't having any problems breathing, just coughing a bit. How are you doing identifying the bodies?"

"We'll get it done. I want you to stay put until the doctor says it's OK for you to leave. You just recovered from walking pneumonia. You were sick for weeks and this little one needs you here. So Gil, besides some clean socks and a comb." Laughing, she tried to tame the wild waves and curls in his hair with her fingers until he pulled away from her. "Is there anything else I can bring you from your place?"

"Will you or Lindsey feed and take Hank for a walk? Other than that, just grab the most recent Forensic Journal and a crossword puzzle book from my desk."

"Sure, you'll have them shortly. Oh yeah, before I go, I brought this for you to read. Trust me Gil, you really want to stay put right here."

Grissom opened the paper to see his face plastered all over the front page clutching the baby to his chest. The headline was exactly what Brass predicted: "HERO CSI SAVES BABY."

"How the hell did they get this picture? No one was at that warehouse except the police."

"Look in the background Gil, that picture was taken at the emergency entrance downstairs. You do look very heroic….don't look at me like that. Why is it you can't take any praise? You gave me a book when I got my own office on how to be a good supervisor. One of the first things in it was to reinforce good behavior. Well you did good! You saved her life."

"We'll see. She is not out of danger yet and they can't tell if there will be any permanent brain damage. Even if everything is eventually OK, she will wind up in foster care."

"OK Mister Doom and Gloom, I'm still proud of you!" Catherine hugged him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He blushed deeply but attempted a smile at her.

"If Nick or Greg will be stopping by here, see if they can sneak me in some decent food. "

"You got it!" With another hug she handed him back the small towel. "You're dripping."

Brass and Dr. Westin met Ecklie and the new Under Sheriff, Anthony Matthews at the main desk. As they walked there, Jim told the doctor about Grissom's recent illness. He asked the doctor for his help to find a way to keep both his patients at the hospital for a few more days.

"I'm glad you told me. Shouldn't be a problem, Jim! Gil could use more rest and Emma needs him here. Medicine can only do so much!"

"Brass, where the hell is Grissom?" Ecklie accosted both men before Jim could speak.

"I came to get him but they won't release him. Conrad, this is his doctor. Dr. Westin, this is the lab's director, Conrad Ecklie and the Under Sheriff for Clark County, Anthony Matthews."

"Save the double talk! Grissom walked out of the warehouse and into this hospital all on his own and he looked fine. All you have to do is pick up any newspaper in the damned state to see him and that baby. I want him in the lab to analyze the bugs from all those dead bodies."

Dr. Westin pushed forward to confront Ecklie. "That baby, as you call her, is still in critical condition. We won't know anything definite on her for at least a few more days. Also, I will not release Dr. Grissom at this time. I am worried about his lungs. He just recovered from walking pneumonia. The fumes caused irritation which might bring on a relapse."

The Under Sheriff spoke for the first time. "Just how serious is his condition, doctor?"

"He is not in any immediate danger but we are keeping him in an oxygen tent as a precaution."

"Dr. Westin, please understand! I have no wish to endanger Dr. Grissom. However, he is the only forensic entomologist currently on the west coast. We need him to process the evidence he collected. We may have found the man that caused forty deaths. He needs to prove all those people died as a direct cause of the drugs made in that warehouse."

"I find it hard to believe that he is the only one at your lab who can process those samples. I assume he has worked for you a very long time. You never had him train an assistant?"

The Under Sheriff turned to Ecklie for that answer. "He was training Sara Sidle but she quit the lab and walked out on him when their affair was over. We'll get someone from UNLV. "

"Burdick wants Grissom! The man can use all the positive press he can get after all the negative headlines about Jeff McKean. Come with me Conrad, you can explain to the Sheriff why we have no backup for Dr. Grissom. I'm not saying he is too old for the job but he is no longer a young man and you have no one trained if he should leave or retires. Maybe it's time for some changes at the lab."

The doctor and Jim Brass watched as the two bureaucrats left the hospital, both were almost instantly swamped by the press. Jim couldn't help but smile that Ecklie's hatred of Grissom may have just cost him his job.

"Jim, does that mean Mr. Grissom has no family?"

Brass shook his head. "Just his team at the lab: Catherine, Warrick, Sara, Nick and Greg."

"I just assumed he had kids…….he is so good with Emma."

"She's good for him and I would like to keep them together…..but I'm worried. As you just heard, he was in a long term relationship with Sara Sidle but things didn't work out. She left him several months ago. He lost his mom shortly after that and then Warrick Brown was killed. Rick was almost like a son to Gil. I'm sure you've read all stories about the last Under Sheriff. Jeff McKean. He tried to frame Warrick and then murdered him…..it's been a rough year."

"You're afraid that one more death might make Gil quit the lab and leave Las Vegas."

"I could live with that. Maybe that's what he needs, to get away from death…...and, well babies are new life."

"If she lives! I have to be honest, Jim. That is by no means a sure thing at this point."

"Understood! Oh, thanks for your help just now."

"I hope it works out for both of them." The doctor walked Brass back to Grissom's room but did not follow him in. Brass watched Grissom from the doorway as he watched the baby.

"Jim, don't tell me they actually have a suspect for all the deaths at that warehouse?"

"Possibly."

"Then I'll have to get to the lab. They'll need those samples processed asap."

"You aren't going anywhere! You told me that Sara helped you put together a detailed guide on how to process all your bug tests." Pointing to the phone, "Let Wendy do them, you can talk her through it. Didn't you once tell me that a supervisor's job is to make sure that every body was ready take over on the day that he is gone?"

"Am I going somewhere? Are you trying to get rid of me too?"

"Gil, a job isn't a life." Grissom turned quickly to look at Brass. "You have options…"

"Don't! Please Jim, no lectures. I screwed it up too many times. I let her go….made her go. It's too late. Just drop it! I'll call the lab, talk to Wendy, see if she feels comfortable working from the notes." A nurse arrived with a small bottle of formula as Brass just nodded and left.

The next day after her shift, Catherine arrived at the hospital with another change of clothes and some food for Grissom. She'd brought Gil's favorite meal, Mongolian Beef. Nick had already dropped off the crossword puzzle book and forensic journal Grissom had requested. He also updated his boss on how many of the warehouse bodies had been identified. They now had names for 37 of the 42 bodies. However, the baby's mother was still unidentified. Her finger prints were not in any database and Doc Robbins discovered that she was even younger than the senior criminalist had first guessed. Based on her leg bones and teeth, the chief coroner estimated that Jane Doe #323 was only 15 to 17 years old when she died. Greg was now checking through the missing child registry to see if the baby's mother had been a runaway.

Catherine entered the baby's room but she found it empty. Returning to the nurse's station, she asked if Emma and Grissom had moved. Seeing the nurse's confusion she continued.

"I'm sorry you have the infant listed as Baby Jane Doe #324."

"Are you family?"

"No, I am trying to find her family. I'm Catherine Willows with the Vegas Crime Lab. My boss, Gil Grissom, saved her life. He was staying with her in Room 827."

"I'm sorry, I can't release any information on the baby's condition except to her family."

"Fine then! Where can I find Grissom?"

"You may want to try the neo-natal ICU. There is a waiting room one floor up."

Catherine felt her anxiety kick up a notch as she nodded her thanks to the nurse and punched the elevator button. Arriving on the ninth floor, she was immediately struck with the contrast in the décor. On the maternity floor, everything was bright and colorful. Balloons, flowers, toys and teddy bears were everywhere. On the ninth floor, the somber grey walls weren't welcoming. There was no one to ask and all the signs restricted access. Catherine walked around until she found Grissom, slumped over in a chair in the waiting room, head in hands.

"Gil…..what happened? Nick said the baby was OK when he was here earlier today."

"Her fever kept going up all day and then she stopped breathing. One of her lungs collapsed a few hours ago, the other one is not in much better shape. They are trying to get her fever down. If they can't, she may start convulsing and ….."

"Oh Gil, I am so sorry!"

"I can't say I wasn't anticipating some of those problems."

"Gil, it's a miracle that she survived at all. When will they know if she is going to make it?"

Catherine watched as her best friend shrugged his shoulders, unable to say anything more.

"I brought you some clean clothes and something to eat……it's your favorite! " She put down two bags directly in front of him but he made no attempt to look into either bag.

"Catherine, I am going to stay here for awhile, I let Nick know. Thank you for all your help and my dinner. I'm not hungry right now. You've put in a full day. Go home and get some sleep. I'll call you once I know anymore about Emma." The words were quiet but the message was loud and clear. "Go away!" She had known Gil long enough to know he needed to be alone. It was just too hard for him to keep up his cool and calm supervisor façade when he could not be with Emma and was powerless to help her.

"Call me, Gil. Even if you don't need anything…..we can just talk." He nodded but she knew that his mind was already focused on the little girl that had not only knocked down the walls that surrounded his heart, she had taken him hostage body and soul.

Once home, she stretched out on the couch by her phone and fell asleep waiting for the call that never came. As Catherine arrived at the lab for her swing shift the next day, her first stop was DNA. She wanted an update from Wendy on the bug analysis. However, the lab's work table was empty except for two evidence bags with blood vials. "What the hell happened to all the bug samples? Was there a problem with the results?"

"You'll have to ask Ecklie. He came in about an hour ago. I only had two samples left to process but he collected everything."

Catherine stormed out of the DNA lab. Techs in the hallway had the good sense to get out of her way. She didn't even slow down passing by Conrad's secretary. "Would someone like to tell me what the hell is going on? Why have we stopped processing the bug samples? Was there a problem on the results? Please don't try to tell me the dealer actually confessed."

"And good afternoon to you, Catherine!" Conrad Ecklie glared at her. "My door was closed for a reason. I am updating the Under Sheriff on the test results."

"This was Grissom's case!"

"Well he is not here, is he? We needed the results for a meeting with the FBI & DEA."

"He'll want to review the tests and results before any information goes to the courts."

"The materials collected, all the samples and test results aren't going to the courts."

"We found a known dealer and have an air tight case, wait…who the hell got the evidence?"

"Do I need to remind you again that you work for me? I have the final say on what gets processed and how those results are disseminated."

"Then, Mr. Director, Sir….may I ask exactly where is all the evidence now?"

"That is confidential, this is a joint investigation. I am working with the Sheriff's office, FBI and DEA on the case. If you have a problem with that, you may want to take some time off or perhaps look for somewhere else to work. Are we clear on this, Mrs. Willows?"

"Crystal clear, Mr. Ecklie."

"Then I suggest you return to your assigned duties. I'll inform Supervisor Grissom myself when and if he finally decides to return to work. That will be all."

Catherine really wanted to slam the office door on the way out but she quietly shut it but then kicked the recycling bucket across the outer office. "Jackass!" She continued down the hall and crossed the walkway into the police stationhouse. "Hey, Jim!"

"I've been expecting you. I take it that Conrad gave you the big news."

"What news? He didn't tell me bubkes."

"The Sheriff, FBI and DEA have come up with a plan to use the dealer, who we have by the balls for murder, in a sting operation. They are setting a trap for his supplier in a Columbian cartel."

"So they use him to get shot at a bigger scumbag and he'll get away with at least 40 murders. With any luck, he might live happily ever after in a witness protection program?"

"Maybe, if he lives that long….but he knows he is looking at a life time in jail or death by lethal injection with all the evidence we have against him right now. I know, I hate it too! The decision came from much higher up the food chain, the Mayor, the Sheriff and also the Police Chief. My hands are tied, Catherine……..so have you talked to Gil today?"

"No, what's up?"

"Sheriff wanted him in on these negotiations. His expertise with bugs makes our case that much stronger. I was just sent to go get him. Is he still at the hospital?"

"Jim, the baby was having major problems last night. I saw Gil outside the ICU unit on the ninth floor. If she is not any better, I don't think he will leave her. He asked Nicky to take over his shift last night at the last minute and now he is not answering his phone."

"Orders are orders. I'll drive over and see what's going on. Want to come?"

"I want to but I can't! Ecklie is turning the screws, new assignments and cases to review. Call me? Let me know that they both are OK." Brass nodded and left.

He arrived at the ICU unit ten minutes later and spotted Dr. Westin sitting at a desk covered in paperwork. "Hey Doc, I came by to check on the baby. How is she doing?"

"I'm sorry Captain Brass, Emma died early this afternoon. We did all we could but her lungs were so underdeveloped. Mr. Grissom asked for some time alone with her but he left about an hour ago. I am just starting on all the required paperwork to release her body to the coroner. Since they never found a name for the baby's mother, there is no next of kin. She will have to be buried by the state as Jane Doe #324. Gil wanted to make and pay for the final arrangements for her but it's out of my hands. I really wish there was something more I could have done for him. He was very upset when he left."

"I'm sure you did all you could for Emma….and for Gil. Thanks for your help, Dr. Westin."

Brass left the hospital as the last rays of sunset painted glitter gulch a pretty pink. Turning his back on the lovely skyline, he drove in silence to Grissom's townhouse. Gil was strong, rock solid but Jim was unsure if his friend could weather another loss so soon after Warrick and his mom. Brass pulled up at the house but there were no lights on. He started to knock but stopped. What if Gil was finally sleeping? Jim took out the house key he'd been given years ago but never used. The key was for emergencies and Brass used it now. He silently opened the door only to be met by a low menacing growl. "Hey Hank, no growling, it me!"

The boxer's whipping tail reflected his happiness that someone had come to let him out. Brass watched the dog run for the back door that led to a small backyard. "OK, big boy!" The detective was surprised to see both the dog's dishes were empty. After Jim filled the water bowl, he put down some kibble. Hank returned from the yard and gave him a sloppy lick of thanks. "You're welcome!" Grabbing a dish towel from the sink, Brass wiped his face clean as he walked to the bedroom. He was happy to see Grissom asleep in his bed but that relief was short lived. Jim saw prescription bottles on the nightstand by the bed. He rushed over but was glad to see they were both nearly full. Examining the labels, one held pills for Gil's occasional migraine headaches. The other bottle was a new prescription written for him that day from Dr. Westin. Zolpidem, it was a very mild sleeping pill that Brass had used on a few occasions. Hank hopped up on the bed and settled in happily beside his master. "Good boy, let him sleep. Keep an eye on him for me, Hank. I'll let Catherine and Nick know that he won't be coming in for a few days and why."

Catherine grew more concerned over the next few weeks, as Gil began to come in later and later for his shift but he looked more tired as each day passed. Nick and others let her know that Grissom seemed distracted; forgetting things and no longer went out on cases unless he had to. He stayed locked in his office, buried behind stacks of paperwork and case files. She tried to talk to him several times but got no answers. Passing his office, she heard a familiar voice. Catherine walked into the office but Gil was in there alone. He quickly shut off the video message that was obviously from Sara. He would not let her see it and refused to discuss what had happened between them. It was clear that something was very wrong with him but he would only mumble that he was fine and he had work to do.

However, he wasn't fine and everyone could soon see it. Several days later, she wasn't surprised when Grissom did not respond to a call from dispatch to handle a 419 body dump. Catherine had no choice but to cover for him….again. Driving to the scene, the light mist had quickly changed to a heavy rain. She hated rain! It always screwed up crime scenes but tonight the rain had some help. A brand new police cadet, in an effort to be helpful, covered the dead body with sheet of plastic. By the time she arrived, it was too late, the body was contaminated and the rain was about to wash away all the foot prints and tire tracks at the scene. Trying to work quickly, she was startled to hear Grissom's voice behind her.

"Catherine, you covered the body with a tarp and contaminated the evidence!"

"First responder tarped it, he was trying to be helpful, and I should be the one giving you grief! Where the hell were you? You were first up but dispatch said you never responded to the call."

She didn't get an answer, not that she expected one. They quickly collected what evidence they could and let David remove the body before everything on it washed away.

As Grissom drove back from the scene, thoughts filled his mind about the job he did and his life….also about his relationships with his team, the old one and the new one. Those thoughts reminded him of Sara and how their life together ended. She sent him a video message from the Sea Sheppard. He had watched that tape so many times his superior memory could recall it frame by frame. Did she send the tape to say goodbye to him or was it a final gesture, a hand reached out to him? Her last effort to save not only what they once had together but to remind him that Vegas was just one small corner of a very big world, a world that he had once explored with hope and enthusiasm. Even he had to admit that forensics no longer excited him as it had in the past. After Warrick died, nothing felt quite the same anymore. Did he let Sara go or had he pushed her away? The last time they spoke, his words hurt her. "If a relationship is stagnant, it withers…." Sara said she had to leave. Vegas, being a CSI, all the hate and death they dealt with every day was killing her, she couldn't breathe. Was it the job, the city or him?

Grissom knew that Sara was burnt out on the job. He had known it long before Natalie, the miniature killer, had kidnapped her. The cases they handled every day kept poking at all the old wounds from her childhood; a childhood in which Sara had been abused, beaten and terrorized almost daily. How could she possibly put it all behind her and rebuild a new life when her job was to investigate the same types of violence, sexual assault and murder that had once turned her life into a nightmare? He watched Sara grow distant and sadder as each day passed, until the day she kissed him goodbye and left. She tried to explain that she just couldn't handle the job anymore. Grissom was slowly beginning to understand her words. He had begun to dread the next phone call or appearance by the Sheriff, Ecklie or Jim Brass because he was asked to handle the worst cases, usually very high profile, often brutal and bloody. Hatred, greed and stupidity were winning and the casualties were growing in ever increasing numbers. Grissom and his team could no longer even slow down those numbers. He was tired of fighting death. It hurt so much when he lost his mother. Granted she was nearly eighty years old and had been ill but he was unprepared when she died in her sleep so soon after Sara left him. In the last few years he had nearly lost Nick, Greg and Sara to crazed killers that had come after his team….his family. Then he lost Warrick! What hurt more was the thought that one of their own, Jeff Mc Kean, tried to frame Rick for a murder. When that failed, Jeff had shot Warrick in cold blood. Rick had been the rock of his team, the one man Grissom had groomed to take over the team for him if he retired or moved on. With him gone…..

God he missed Warrick! The young black man had often said to him that life was too short. Rick married too quickly and perhaps to the wrong woman. Grissom wondered if marrying Tina was what set the whole horrible sequence of events into motion? They divorced, that led to his problems with prescription medication, which fueled his obsession to bring down Lou Gedda. That obsession was what ultimately led to his suspension and then his murder. A death that left Rick's son without a father! Grissom reviewed all the evidence. He went over each step to find a clue to what he had missed, any way he could have found out about Jeff Mc Kean earlier or change the chain of events that led to his friend's murder.

Sara had come back to Vegas for Warrick's funeral. She had begged him to leave with her, for them both to start over somewhere, anywhere else.….but she had left Vegas alone again. He wanted to go! Not just to be with Sara but to get as far away as he could from Vegas, his job, his life. Why did he stay? Why did he let her go, let her leave alone? The tape of Sara's message ran through his mind again. In it she said that she was good….really good. Was she lying, letting him down easily or was she really happy? Was she saying that she was happier without him? Unable to answer any of those questions, he drove into the lab's parking lot. Nick had arrived earlier with the body and he had probably already taken all the photographs and fingerprinted the victim. Grissom walked slowly to the morgue as he tried to focus on the case. His job was to find out how the victim died and to analyze the evidence that might lead to the killer or killers. Those questions were easy, Grissom knew exactly how to find the answers to those questions.

Nick and Grissom examined the body and found nine stab wounds, all post mortem. They also found needle mark around both his nipples and ligature marks on his chest and wrists. Dr. Robbins confirmed that the victim was strangled and beside the needle and ligature marks, his tongue was also burned. "So our victim was tied up, his nipples were stimulated and there are burn marks on his tongue. Sounds like S & M to me." Grissom left the room and the lab without another word to anyone.

The case made no sense! Nothing made sense anymore. He needed time to think, he had to talk it out with someone. Warrick was dead, Sara was gone. Catherine would not talk just about the case. He couldn't deal with more questions from her about Sara. Who could help him make sense of the scene…..make sense of all that had happened? Grissom never made a conscious decision to drive there but suddenly he was outside of Heather Kessler's house. He stood outside for a long time as he debated asking for her help. He approved of the changes she'd made to her home as he remembered when the house had been Lady Heather's Dominion. Suddenly, it began to pour rain again and he rushed to the door and knocked.

"Grissom! What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I should have called but I didn't know I was coming."

"What do you want?" Getting no immediate answer she let him in, took his wet jacket and brought him a cup of hot tea. Seeing him in better light she was shocked at how tired he looked.

"When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

Shrugging his shoulders, he replied, "Bad dreams!"

"How can I help?'

"I have a case….a body with S & M type wounds but there are inconsistencies. I was hoping for your first impressions."

"My first impression is that you have changed."

Smiling, he followed Heather as she went up the stairs to her study. "How have you been?"

"I got my Masters in Psychology. I'm a licensed therapist. I have patients now, not clients."

"Let me guess, you specialize in sex therapy?"

They both chuckled remembering how they originally met. He was investigating a murder at The Dominion, her fetish club. That was nearly ten years ago, they worked well together to solve that case and several others since then. They respected and trusted each other now but their past had often been stormy. She had been deeply hurt when Grissom accused her in the murder of a client. The bond of trust they had created was damaged and it had taken years to repair. She also wanted to repay his kindness when her daughter had been killed and for his assistance when he helped arrange visitation rights to see her granddaughter.

Grissom knew he was exhausted and he had too much on his mind to give the case his full attention. He trusted Heather and as always her knowledge of B D S & M world would help give him a better understanding of this crime. He worked with Nick and his team by phone. The fingerprints that Nick took at the autopsy yielded a name for the body, Ian Wallace. Nick with Jim Brass, Greg and Riley went to the victim's home. They discovered that Ian lived with a woman. Justine Stephanie, the owner of the house and that she was missing.

A few hours later LVPD found a body in the burnt out shell of a SUV. The site was just a few miles from where the body of Ian Wallace had been found. The burned body turned out to be Justine Stephanie. The autopsy confirmed she died within hours of Ian Wallace. Her hands had been bound. Based on all her injuries and the tire marks at the scene, her captors had chased her and eventually killed her with her own vehicle. They placed Justine back in her SUV and set it on fire. Locating her cell phone, they confirmed the last person she spoke with was a Martin Devlin. Once in custody, Jim Brass learned that Martin and Ian frequented a BDS&M club. They had participated in a scene as male slaves for a new female dominant. Whatever started at the club, ended in murder at Ian and Justine's home. However, it was soon very clear that Martin and his attorney, who had played the dominant for them, had nothing to do with the murders of Ian Wallace and Justine Stephanie.

Reluctantly, CSI had to conclude that one or possibly two unknown males had entered Ian's house shortly after the fight between Martin and Ian. They killed Ian and tied his body to the undercarriage of Justine's SUV and kidnapped her. However, when his body fell on to the roadway, it forced the killers to change whatever plans they originally had. After torturing and running her down, the men put Justine back in her SUV and torched it. Heather concluded that the S& M scene and the killings that followed were two unrelated events. The case of Ian Wallace and Justine Stephanie became just one more in the ever growing number of cases in the unsolved murder files.

Heather was surprised when Grissom stayed after the case hit a dead end. She started to question him on more personal matters, asking if he had come to see her about the case as a pretext. Heather asked him about the one subject they had avoided since his arrival.

"Grissom, where is Sara?"

It was as if those words gave him the key to open the floodgates of words, memories and pain and let them all pour out. With patience, over the next few hours she learned about the miniature killer, Sara's kidnapping and then discovered that Sara had left Grissom and Las Vegas. He also told her about Warrick's arrest, his murder and the funeral. Grissom continued talking now without her prompting him, he told Heather that Sara had come back to Vegas for the funeral and begged him to leave his job and the city to go with her.

"What stopped you from going with her?'

"I don't know……a lot of things."

"Do you regret your decision now…..not going with her?"

"It was beyond my control."

It was such an un-Grissom-like response that she was stopped momentarily.

"Grissom, most relationships are over before they end. You need to mourn and go on."

"I never said the relationship was over."

"You didn't have to! Not making a decision was your decision. I think you are here because it's not home or work. This place doesn't remind you of Sara, of all you have lost or given up. I have a guest bedroom, you are welcome to stay as long as you like."

His look of relief let her know that much of what she suspected was true. Grissom had shut down emotionally with the loss of his mother and then Warrick. He needed time to analyze his actions or lack of them regarding Sara. Lady Heather was long gone but Heather Kessler was a therapist now. She felt she understood Grissom, perhaps better than anyone in Vegas. She also knew that he was still holding back many things. She would give him a few days to get some rest and regain his equilibrium, then Heather would make him talk about his choices, what he wanted from his future. Help him to understand that happiness was a journey not a destination. The journey might mean that one part of his life was over but a new part was about to begin. Going towards someone or something new did not mean he was running away from his life or that he had failed.

Grissom spent the next few weeks sleeping in Heather's guest bedroom. She had been right about one thing, work and his townhouse reminded him of Sara. Of how much he missed her! He could no longer sleep in their large empty bed alone. He spent most mornings with Heather after he came in from the night shift. They talked each day until her first patient arrived and then he went to sleep. She tried to get him to talk more about what happened to Nick, Greg, Sara and Warrick. Also why he had chosen to stay in Vegas and continue doing a job that had cost him so much.

It was very obvious to her that his work no longer excited or inspired him. He had learned the hard way that death always won….staying in Vegas had not changed that fact for his mother, Rick or for Emma. Heather's heart broke as she learned about the infant's brief life. She suspected the little girl had resurrected dreams Grissom buried long ago for a home and a family. She asked him if Emma had lived, would he have tried to make a home for her? She was not surprised when he would not answer that question, they both knew the answer.

Heather reminded Grissom that he had often complained to her that there was no time to explore, learn and grow with his current job. Why stay? Why not leave with Sara? Was it a fear of commitment to her? He had proposed marriage but then allowed Sara to walk out of his life, twice! Was it fear that he might fail as husband? Was it because of the age difference or because he had just recently turned 50? Did he fear going someplace new, doing new things? Was that the fear had kept him safe in his small corner of the world, where he knew exactly what was required of him and people never expected or asked him to change. All her questions forced him to ask himself even more questions.

Why not take a leap into a whole new world, with new and exciting things to see, do and learn, if not for the fear that Sara would grow tired of him and leave someday? Was that why he had allowed "the only woman he had ever loved" to leave Las Vegas all alone?

Grissom hated the thought of going home to an empty house but Heather's endless questions had become equally unwelcome. She asked him countless times what he wanted, what would make him happy. The one question he really hated was when she asked him why he was still in Las Vegas. He had never been good at explaining himself to anyone, so she handed him a pad of paper and a pen. Heather asked him to make a list of things he wanted to do with the rest of his life. The blank page taunted him! He couldn't think of anything to write down, nothing he wanted to do alone. His heart wanted him to write down just one word, SARA!

The reasons he eventually wrote down as to why he stayed in Vegas sounded lame, even ridiculous. He knew the Crime Lab would go on without him, even the night shift would survive. Certainly murder, assaults, robberies and countless other crimes would continue and at an ever increasing pace without him. Grissom often said the main reason he had become a CSI was to get justice for the victim and bring closure to the families. After the loss of Warrick, that statement now sounded hollow and even vainglorious to him. It was a job! A job he had done and done well for 25 years. Maybe now it was time to move on? Catherine would take over for him. She was ready, more than ready.

Grissom had been flattered to receive several exciting offers from schools and universities quite literally around the world, to lecture or to teach. He wanted that…..to travel, explore and teach again. It had been such a long time since he had the freedom to choose but to go someplace, anyplace all alone just seemed pointless. He had already been to London, Greece, Australia and many of the countries who contacted him. He wanted to show those places to Sara, see them again through her eyes. Would she want to go? Would she be willing to take another chance on him? He had hurt her in the past. Closed himself off and pushed her away so many times. Did he have the right to ask her to give him one more chance?

With great reluctance, Grissom played the video message that Sara sent him from the Sea Sheppard. Heather disagreed that Sara was "really good". She said that her eyes and body language all but screamed that she was unhappy and in pain. Even though he had hurt her, Sara concern was for him, that he leave Vegas and all the pain, violence and death behind. Sara begged him to take what the whole world could offer him, to learn, teach and explore. Heather reminded Grissom that he said his relationship with Sara hadn't ended. Did he expect her to come back to him? To come back to Vegas? To wait for him forever?

Grissom did not tell Heather that Sara had already waited for him forever, ten long years. His mind brought him back to the first time he saw Sara in a lecture in San Francisco. She had been in his mind, heart and soul ever since that first day. He kept in contact with her as a mentor and a few years later, he helped Sara get a job as a CSI in San Francisco.

The safety of the long distance between them suddenly disappeared when Holly Gribbs was shot. Within twenty four hours, Grissom had been promoted to be the night shift supervisor. It was a job he never wanted. It was also the job that forced him to find someone outside the Vegas crime lab to investigate who was responsible for Holly's death, he called Sara for help.

Looking back he understood just how difficult a job he gave to Sara: his inexperience, Jim's quilt, Catherine's hostility, Warrick's anger. Somehow it worked out, he saved Warrick's job and Sara agreed to stay in Vegas and join the night shift. For Grissom, it was both wonderful and shear torture to have her so close. At first, he had tormented Sara by flirting with her and then pushing her away. He did not mean to be difficult but he wanted her! His mind told him he could not have her. Grissom was her supervisor and the lab had a strict policy against them having a relationship. He was nearly fifteen years older than her and Grissom had just learned that he was slowly loosing his hearing. He would not tie her down to a deaf, old man. Sooner or later she would leave him, so it was better that she find someone else now. When Sara did finally ask him out, he responded with a quick and brutal, NO! At the look of pain on her face, he tried to soften his rejection by saying "he did not know what to do to about this", pointing between Sara and himself. She said that she did know what to do and by the time he figured it out it could be too late. She had been right about so many other things. Was it too late now?

Grissom knew it would be wrong and even dangerous for Sara to return to her old life with him. Sara said that she was going to explore the jungles of Costa Rica next. Grissom wanted to go exploring with her. He missed her smile, her voice, waking up with her curled up beside him. Sometimes he ached for the smell of her hair, the taste of her skin, touching, holding and making love to Sara. Why did he always put the job ahead of everything else in his life? His mother had often warned him that a job wasn't a life and a job could never love you back. At that time he had not met Sara. He did not know that there ever would be the "perfect someone" just for him. In Sara, he knew he had found the other half of his heart. Sara was the only woman who had even tried to tear down the walls he'd built around his heart. He had been badly hurt before when he was younger and had built those walls high and deep. He had no idea how to be in an adult relationship. Sara had put up with his thoughtlessness, moods, obsession with privacy and had forgiven him countless times. She had loved him, lived with him and yet never tried to change him. Sara had even agreed to marry him after a hopelessly unromantic proposal.

How could he ask her for one more chance? If anyone had the right to be skeptical of love, it was Sara. She had told him all about her family and childhood. The people who were supposed to teach her about love, had given her only pain and death. Then he had let her walk away and maybe even pushed her away. She was young, incredibly beautiful and so bright. He had been lucky to have her. She was a kind, gentle soul, full of caring and love. She had transformed his life and home by her presence, so much so that he no longer wanted to return to the townhouse they once called home without her. Suddenly he had his answer.

It was no longer a question of if but when he would to go to Sara, beg her forgiveness and ask her if she would allow him to stay with her….be with her. He would make arrangements to leave the lab. Not a leave of absence this time, he would retire. If Conrad tried to throw up any roadblocks, he would quit. A quick mental review of his case load, he felt that he could be on his way to Costa Rica within a month. Looking back, he was amazed at how long he had been paralyzed by indecision and fear and went to look for Heather.

Heather smiled as he told her about his decision. She explained that the death of his mother and the loss of Warrick had created a kind of emotional paralysis. It was why he was unable to make any decision on a future with or without Sara. Heather also told him that helping to deliver and fight for Emma's life was what finally broke through that paralysis. Emma's life had been an unexpected gift that opened his heart again but loosing her made him realize that he wanted to live again, not just exist.

Heather watched with mixed emotions as Grissom shrugged off the indecision and inaction of the last year. She knew now that his mind was made up, he would be leaving Las Vegas soon and maybe for the rest of his life. A part of her was sad that he would no longer be part of her life. She had been attracted to him from the first but his heart already belonged to Sara when they first met. He had kissed her just once. They both knew instantly that there never could be anything beyond friendship between them. Mostly she was happy that he wanted a new life with Sara and would use the same relentless focus he once brought to his job into obtaining that goal. She could already see and feel the change in him as Grissom began to formulate plans to leave Vegas and go to her. Heather knew that Sara would forgive him, give him another chance but a part of her wanted Sara to make Grissom earn that chance.

The next day Heather was curious to find the door to her guest room open and Grissom was packing the few items he had brought from his home.

"You're leaving? Was it something I said?"

Zipping up the bag he walked to her. "Yes it was! I am very grateful for your help and understanding…….also for use of the guest room." She was surprised when her took her hands in his and kissed them. "Thank you, Heather."

"You are most welcome, my friend. I know that you are anxious to get on with your new life but may I make a few suggestions."

"Of course, please."

"Just don't show up in Costa Rica. Write to Sara. Tell her everything. I think that you will find that sharing your pain will make it hurt less. It will also help Sara share her pain with you. You can help each other heal and it will help you both get past all the hurts of the past. Be as honest and open with her as you have been with me…..and this time mail the letter."

They both chuckled, he let go of her hands and reached for his bag. "Anything else?"

"Leaving Las Vegas, the lab and your family there will be a lot harder on you than you think. It's not your style but try to make sure that you say goodbye. You love them and they love you. Remember how much it hurt when you never got the chance to say goodbye to your mother and Warrick. You don't need to have a party with a cake but try to spend a few minutes with each person. Grissom until you go, if I can do anything to help you, just ask. If you need to talk, I'm here….besides, I've grown rather fond of your omelets."

Smiling he put his bag back down on the bed. "I'll give you some lessons as a thank you."

"Deal!" Smiling back at him she took his arm as he led her down to the kitchen.


End file.
